Transvestia

(Should I have asked for a partial refund of my fees?). His final opinion---one that I had already reached on my own--was to cease fighting the problem and to accept myself for what I was.

During this period I gave up my wardrobe purges and decided that the only workable approach was to make peace with my femmeself and thus gain my own peace of mind. I even began enjoying my TVism without having monstrous guilt feelings after each session "en femme". I ceased praying at night that I would wake up as a girl in the morning. I also ceased praying (since the preceding didn't work) that I would wake up without the desire to be a girl. I ceased fighting the urge to dress- rather a losing fight anyway. ("I'll flip a coin--if it comes up heads I won't dress and if it comes up tails I will. Oops, it's a head. Well, might as well make it two out of three, Oops, better make it three out of five.")

Thus, the result of my research and self-analysis was to chart my course by the motto I was to read about in TVia, and years later: Understanding, Acceptance, and Peace of Mind. And, a most fortunate side result was that although I had harbored TS thoughts in earlier days during fits of depression, I now lost all desire for any type of surgical conversion.

Having finally made up my mind that both the mas- culine and the feminine deserved a place in my life, I did what I had always wanted to do--go on a shopping spree. I mainly bought outer garments (lingerie was not in short supply in my apartment) freely admitting if pres- sed that they were for me (the excuse was that I was in amateur theatrical productions). I also purchased my first pair of heels and my first pair of flats and even tried them on over a nylon footlet in the back of the shoe store. Then I walked into a retail hairgoods salon (wigs weren't high fashion then) and told them that I wanted a good wig. I was fitted and two weeks later it was mine (all $285.00 of it, which about decimated my savings account). I have never regretted purchasing this hairhat (as we say in Theta) for it was of the finest quality and adopts itself well to todays attractive styles. It holds a set quite well and is easy to work with and comb out.

It was at this time that I christened my femmeself

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